Chevron is known for responding aggresively to anyone who tries to hold the company accountable. The creativity the company applies to evading responsibility for its messes is arguably unparalleled.

Even still, Chevron’s latest PR move, after one of its natural gas pipelines exploded and burned for five days in southwestern Pennsylvania, is probably the first time free pizza was involved.

When the city of Richmond, CA sued Chevron for damages related to an explosion at one of the company’s refineries in 2012, a Chevron spokesman responded by attacking the city’s “failed leadership.”

When 30,000 Indigenous and rural Ecuadoreans won a $9bn judgement against Chevron in compensation for the decades-worth of oil pollution the company left in their Amazonian home, Chevron pulled every dirty legal trick in the book, including filing racketeering charges against the plaintiffs, to delay justice.

So what did the residents of Bobtown, PA get if they were concerned about the massive column of flame and toxic fallout from Chevron’s natural gas pipeline explosion? Aside from a pretty standard apology letter, they got a coupon for a free pizza (“special combo only,” per the coupon itself, so don’t even think about getting extra toppings you moochers) and two-liter soft drink.

Philly.com calls it: “The Chevron Guarantee: Our well won’t explode…or your pizza is free!”

It’s probably best if I just let the late-night comedians take it from here…